I want to marry him..or someone like him

my darling Gerard..

*swoons like a high school girl

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random mumbles jumbles

My resolution to blog in China didnt work out not cause I didnt want to, but cause they banned blogspot. lol.

and facebook, youtube and twitter! wth right.

I was having facebook withdrawal symptoms there (omg, i cant believe i just admitted that- damn sad no life kinda statement).

Though it was only 6 days and my time there was pretty much very tight up with work, it still feels too long. I longed to be home, to my bed, to my home, to my family, to my friends. It's not so much homesick though, but maybe cause its China and not being bias or anything, but I think China is not a place you can spend too long in. lol. One week to 10 days at max, be it work or holiday, then it's time to go home! home sweet home malaysia tanahairku. =)

Being in China alone for one week made me realise how much I do miss my solitude. I have this thing..when I was in Sheffield, I like my 'me time' . I will one day, just pack an overnight bag, bring a journal, a pen and a novel, take a bus to the train station, check out the time of the next train, buy the ticket and just go somewhere for the day. lol. nottingham was my favourite. It's such a nice little town. Then, i will grab a coffee at starbucks or costa or wateva i can find in the city, grab a seat, and start writing or reading. Before I know it, its almost nightfall. I will then walk to the next restaurant, have my dinner and usually make my way home after dinner.

It's so great just to have that few moments of solitude.

of 'me time'.

This time in china, i got more than i bargained for. Other than during the daytime when I have meetings with suppliers (where I ll actually get to communicate with human beings) I usually have the other time alone. When night falls and i have no dinner plans with suppliers, i will be eating alone somewhere or tarpau back to the hotel. It was great while it lasted, but I am so glad to be back. =)

Almost a week of travelling alone is enough. Which makes me wonder, how am I going to stand the one month of backpacking around south america alone? hmm, but i think i ll enjoy it. i really do. of cos it will be great if i have a backpacking buddy with me then, but if not, i ll still gladly go for it (provided my mum doesnt make too much noise)

oh yea, that's one of my to do before i die kinda thing. South America. sigh. my dream.

and I am going to volunteer for two weeks in an orphanage. lol.

can't wait. 2014 perhaps. give me 5 years. i need to save money and build the career.

yawns. its just jumbles of random texts now cause i m feeling so sleepy at 6:14pm in the office.

I might blog bout funny anecdotes that happened during the china trip sometime..soon..in the..near future. =)

toodles

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Change is coming

I actually have a lot of half arsed posts that I haven't bothered finishing all clicking on the 'publish' word.

some are emo shyts, some just telling stories of my everyday drama. like with my Standard Chartered Run a couple of weeks back. I do want to post it before it gets stale and i forget every nitty gritty detail. I believe that when I read it back 5 years later, it will bring back some fond memories. like how i read back my old posts from 6 years ago when i started blogging, and I cant help that smile and occasional cringe at some of the posts. =)

who knows, i think i ll run through and post some of them here. when i actually get around to doing it. lol.

in the meantime. i think i need a change. a new hair style perhaps. i actually quite like this short hair that i cut previously. but then, i m kinda sick of having short hair and i wanna grow it out again. maybe a new hair colour or some thick fringe.
























and off to China i go for a week from Sunday. who knows, if i m bored there late at night, i might blog. Since i am going alone and wont have anyone to talk to at night..

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What did I sign myself up for??

The run is in 8 days

I am screwed.

If it aint such a 'want face' person, i would have chickened out n quit.

but no, i can't. i am not a quitter. even if it takes me 2 hours to walk a 5KM race, i would.

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Are you watching us?

hi Shu

today is Wai Ping and Normann's Engagement Party.

The theme is Glitz and Glam with the tagline
"A sprinkle of Glitz and a dash of Glam"

yea yea, your corny friend here thought of it. dont u think its puurrffeect ?=)

wish you were here but I know you are watching and wishing them your heartfelt congratulations from up above.

We miss you,

Love
Kaikai

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Today I feel really good because...

I started work early!

haha. people who knows me know I kinda have it easier. I work til late yes, but I also start bout 10- 10:30am. But because this customer scheduled the meeting for 9am, I had to wake up early and left the house by 8:10 or so.

And you know what? my mum's right. it feels really good to start work early.

by 10:30 am, I have finished two meetings and back at my desk following up on my work. And to think that normally I start only at 10:30! tsk tsk. What a waste of time.

I shall be earlier from now on. perhaps not soooo early, but i think I ll leave the house bout 8:30 - 9:00 am every morning from now. yes yes, all talk only. i will prove to everyone! *insert maniacal laugh*

However, that also means, I am quite tired now. and its 15 mins til 7pm! I probably will need another hour or so to finish the work for today..before...I HAVE THE WHOLE WEEKEND OFF!

WAH!

dem excited. Happy birthday to you King! whatever, i know this date is pre-set and its not really your real birthday but...because of you, I have tomorrow off! Cause its a compulsory holiday. otherwise we might kena fined if we are caught open. nyek nyek.

Also, there's a HUGE event to look forward to tomorrow.

Wai Ping and Normann's Engagement Party!

Two of my dear friends, so glad to see them almost tying the knot. =)

It's such a wonderful thing to see two people in love getting ready to make the commitment to one another, to spend the rest of their lives in each other's company, to share all joy, all tears, all excitement and all disappointment in life.

I wish them a wonderful life together as a couple, as each other's other halves, to make that whole.

Yea, I am corny, what can i say? my motto?

Love makes the world go round.

;)

till then

Love,
me

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Because sharing is caring...

This is how you eat on the floating market in Bangkok. Your friend/partner/person next to you will hold the bowl of noodle soup while you slurp away the authentic delicious-ness of the broth and making that 'slllluuuuurrrrrp' sound when u 'suck' those vermicelli in.

Yum.

I miss holidays. I miss my friends. I miss going on holiday with my friends. and my family...

Yet I cant complain cause I just came back from Melbourne not too long ago. Less than 2 months ago. But it felt like forever.

I realised some time ago that I love travelling, I love visiting new places. I love seeing how locals survive their everyday lives in their own country.

I am feeling empty again. Occasionally the feeling comes on when I am losing my drive. in work, in life, in whateva.

Get me out of this hole..pls!

let's make it quick. i dont wanna stay here, in this hole, longer than necessary.

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ouch..that hurts

33 more days to go

I only ran for like 20 minutes on Sunday evening (cause I lost track of time watching Grey's Anatomy n cleaning my room til it was 7:10!) and now my calves are aching like a bitch.

argh.

what is wrong with me? How am I going to last 5 km and 40 mins under the sweltering morning sun on 28th June 2009?

oh my my..what did i get myself into?

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June is almost here...

Another week has come and gone.

We are closing in on May and approaching June. Perhaps I should start another half year resolution and see how my progress is. Not good I know.

June will be a good month..i hope!

06.06.09 will be Waiping and Normann's engagement party before we move on to 28.06.09 which will be the KL Standard Chartered Marathon. I really am nervous. I know I know..5km is no big deal to some, but for me who has not ran any marathons before, this is quite nerve wrecking.

the last time I ran long distance would be in Form 5 in school when we did our cross country of 6.1 km. If I remember clearly, i did that in an hour or so. And now, the cut off time for 5 km is 40 minutes. I am ten whole years older, ten whole years of lesser stamina and probably ten pounds heavier than those days. LOL.

I have been running a little the last couple of weeks. and I m not doing well. probably doing 50 minutes for 5km and that is VERY slow I know. I am trying..sigh. not easy. omg. what did I get myself into??

No one dared me, no one challenged me, but the itchy backside me decided to challenge myself and sign up for it after like..2 hours of thinking it through. At least a couple of friends will be running as well, otherwise I might just chicken out. =p

No turning back now.. I can and I will do it!

Wish me luck!

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Live Long and Prosper

Star Trek was the bomb.

I thought it was action packed through out from the beginning to the end.

Since they 'dumb it down' for commoners (like myself), I believe it will be an even bigger hit than if they had not.

I aint a trekkie fan but i thoroughly enjoyed myself. and I am not the only one saying that.
and might I add how adorably cute and funny and charismatic Chris Pine aka Captain James Kirk is...

Go watch it if you haven't. What are you waiting for??



----------------

The movie reminded me of you. I know you would be watching it the first day it was released. I wondered if you enjoyed the movie as much as I did. You being such a trekkie fan, perhaps it was disappointing? Was it too 'simple'? Did they stray far from the series? Did you think it live up to the standards?

Guess I ll never know.

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Lost

I used to like and able to write all these insightful (or so i think) posts before.

ok fine. maybe not insightful. but emo. and talking bout issues we face everyday, ie love, friendship, life...etc etc.

but I ve lost it all.

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Sweet 26

Tomorrow is PARRTTAYYY day!

wheeeeee!

Can't wait. Let's all hope that I don't get too wasted. LOL

Long Bar, One World Hotel, partttayyyyy

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"Eat only when you are hungry", my yoga instructor once told me...

Some people lose weight when they are stressed.

Some people ballooned up when they are stressed.

Unfortunately, I belong to the latter.

However, my self control has improved a lot of late. Before, especially during the student days, I would eat and eat when exams were approaching. If I felt like I havent studied enough, I would eat. When I can't understand something I was reading, I would eat. When assignments were due in 10 hours and I havent even started writing the introduction, I would eat.

I noticed this bad habit of mine first during my SPM days. I probably put on about 10 pounds then. And it just went downhill from there. Hard to believe I know, but I really was-not-this-big-before-form-5.

And then fast forward to uni days. I remember stocking up on Snickers chocolate bars a month before the finals. I would munch and munch whenever I was feeling even the slightest bit stressed out. Weight? Fat? who cares? i need to feel good!

So that's my main problem. I live in denial. I 'cover' the stress up by distracting myself with an indulgence.

Now let's fast forward once more to the working adult life. I have better self control now. I eat healthier than usual. I allow myself to indulge in chocolates once in a while. Further, for some reason, I don't like Snickers anymore. Perhaps I dont like the Snickers in Malaysia, too sweet. Don't tknow if its really different from the ones in UK. But I still munch on chocolates once in a while when I feel like it. Not when I am stressed though, but because I enjoy it, and I believe that makes all the difference.

But today, I want to let myself go. I am tired, so tired of putting up a front. So tired of maintaining my self control. So tired of wanting to look good, to blend in with the rest of the Asian girls-who-look-fab-without-going-on-extreme-diets. So tired of the pressure that society has bestowed upon me. So tired of trying to prove to myself and others that if I have the wilpower, I can do it, that I am strong enough. I am tired of being 'tough'. So tired of trying not to disappoint the people who cares for me.

I want to let go. I really just want to let go and not worry about the consequences.

Should I? Would I? and most importantly, could I? really, could I do it?

And no, I am not talking about just food and food alone.

Once in a while, I will have moments like this. And in UK, I will just pack an overnight bag and walk to the train station, get a ticket to the next destination available, and off I go for a day or two. Just some 'me time' to self reflect.

But now, with the responsibilities of work not to mention the dangers here in KL, i can't even go anywhere without worrying about the possibility of someone snatching my handbag, or kidnapping me, or rob and rape me and leave me to die in a ditch somewhere.

I hate it. I really do. and yet, I can't do anything about it.

Helplessness. Possibly one of the worst feelings in the world.

Trapped. That's what I am. Right now.

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oh my Eyes!

I didnt realise how uncomfortable dilated pupils can be until today.

Of course I have always known that its not a pleasant feeling (from the days when I had to do checkups prior to the LASIK), but today was even more prominent. Especially when I was trying to send a text regarding work issues and I could not make out the words at all. in the end, i guessed it and when I check it again, it seems fine. only major typo was when i spelt 'design' as 'desin'. oh well, at least the recipient understood me alright. I guess it will wear off in another couple of hours.

However, there's a piece of bad news. Apparently my retina or some parts near my retina is 'thinning', which is nothing to worry about at this moment (the doc said this bout 5 times just to reassure me, i guess i did look that freaked out) but if it gets worse, ie, thinner and thinner, then it might tear. which leaves a freaking hole. in my retina. how nice.

consequences? vision affected of course. like, half my vision will be this black wall, or black spots..or something.

and there's the 'nerve' word thrown in loosely too. Nerve and retina and lost of vision. What a fantastic Monday morning I had..

Anyhow, I spoke to my bro bout it too, as the second opinion. Ming, see? I have so much faith in you. I actually consulted you as the second opinion although you are only in your 1st year of houseman, and he also said its fine. Nothing to worry about right now. We ll just have to wait and see if it gets thinner later. If it does, then we will have to do a small surgery like lasering it ie sealing it before it gets worse. Or I think even if it touchwood really tears with a big gaping hole, they can still laser it back.

Whatever it is, its my eyes wei! I aint gonna take any risk. Will do another check up in 6 months time I guess.

That aside, nothing much at the moment except...

MY BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS WEEKEND!

its a joint celebration with Yue Weng.

Most likely in Long Bar at One World, but we 'll confirm it by tomorrow.

Till then,

Adios!

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He's Just Not That Into You

so...get a life

A typical rom com. Not a fantastic one but enough for you to enjoy your popcorn, have a few laughs and not walk out of the cinema midway thru the movie.

I find the 'story' of Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Alex (Justin Long) most endearing. A good friend of mine told me before I watched the movie that there's a character that reminded her a lot of me. After the movie, I knew immediately it was Gigi!

No, not the desperate part, nor the naive part, but it was her little speech that says she's someone who puts herself out there, not afraid to get hurt (though it has happened many times), cause each time she does that, she is one step closer to finding her true love.

Yes, I am not afraid to admit that I am like that. Though sometimes I would like to, but I dont believe in putting up a wall just to protect yourself from getting hurt. Yes, not doing so can be somewhat stupid, but like Gigi said, I believe if you really love someone and you are in a relationship, you should give it your all! Why only 70%? or 50%? why not 110%?

In my humble opinion, a relationship that works is all about giving and taking. There should not be any one of that that outweighs the other. Of course, that's easier said than done. But why stop yourself from falling in love just because you are afraid you ll get hurt? what makes you think he/she will hurt you before it even happens? Because it has happened before? Then don't you think you are pre-judging the matter too quickly? Jumping into your own conclusions?

Ahh, all those questions.

However, having said that, I have to admit some of what Alex (Justin Long) said is true.

One of the more prominent ones is the fact that one shouldn't sit and prance around like a pathetic fool waiting for the other party to call. He will call or he will not. No in between. Or too busy too call. or went overseas so can't call. or lost the number. or whatever u know. All excuses. So...wake up.

On the whole, it's not exactly a must see movie of the year. But it gives you some light hearted laughs, some of the "omg! i know a friend who's just like that!" and a good movie with the girl friends (or boy friends) and err...perhaps make you a little teary...fine fine! i am pathetic like that ok. I cry easily at movies, even at rom coms like this one! I won't spoil it for you, so you watch and tell me if you felt teary ok...

What a great way to spend a Friday night. Been wanting to watch a movie for the longest time. Next up shopaholic and the Knowing. After hearing Del's reviews bout the movie, I am quite intrigued and would love to watch it for myself. I love sci fis like that. any takers?

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Gossip Girl...

is quite da bomb.

I am surprised that I like it really. I know, contrary to popular belief (ie my bros who think i am such a bimbo), I really am not the ones who likes typical high school tv series. I never liked OC, fine, I watched like 2 epis and I was bored. One Tree Hill was okay, not bad, but not something I will follow religiously, but Gossip Girl..hmm...it's different.

Yea, I know its the typical rich brats in private school and their alcoholic/ drug problems with broken families scandals, but maybe its the cast or something, I dont know but somehow, it works!

I honestly think Blair Waldorf (real name Leighton Meester) is gorgeous. Before the show, I thought Serena Van Der Woodsen (real name Blake Lively) was the hotter one, but now, I know why Leighton Meester is perfect for Queen Bee. She has this very...enchanting look. I know thats not the perfect choice of words but you know..like very captivating. The longer you look at her, the prettier she gets! I like Blake too! love her voice...that throaty slight whiny voice..not the annoying manja one though, but a very sexy one.

the boys are the typical american pretty boys. but I think Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) has this very goofy cute-ness about him.

Anyway, give it a chance if you havent seen it. Who knows, you might like it. =D

"xoxo"

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i hate it that I am....

a freaking procrastinator

ARGGHHHH

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The Infamous Life Issues

"Live everyday as though it's your last, don't just watch your life pass you by, before it's too late and the unexpected has come knocking on your door..."

A friend told me this very true and wise advise. It started because I told her I was a bit lazy to celebrate my 26th birthday end of this month, getting older, it's not really that big a deal anymore, so why bother? in my head, I am always stressed out bout the business, bout work in general, bout cutting this deal and that, worrying constantly that I am disappointing my dad and proving my mum right, that I should have been a lawyer, working for people (which translates as working like a dog and earning peanuts), not to mention the biggest problem of all is always about money.

and then she told me that line.

I appreciate it. I really think it's true. But sometimes, life burdens you with issues that you cannot ignore. You cannot just let the problems slip by and pretend it never happened. Ignorance is not really bliss most of the time. Although I am a true advocate of 'living in denial', I always know I have to wake up sometime from the dream, and face reality.

However, I believe I've an epiphany today. I think it is possible to strike a balance. Live life to the fullest while juggling your everyday worries primarily money and health. I know it aint any great realisation, but sometimes, saying it and doing it are really two different matters. I have said it billions of times i know, but I will have to start living it that way.

I mean, I am trying. I party quite hard the last few months, but I am trying to slow down now. I want to work really hard, yet find the time to have a social life so I wont let life passes me by without realising it.

Ok. I have decided. I shall celebrate my birthday in styylleee this year.

Let's have a good dinner and an after party afterwards.

yes, I am turning 26. so what? it aint old. I am proud of my age. =D

besides, it's my favourite number of all time as well.

Now, I cant stop the grin from my face just thinking about the celebration. yaayyyy!

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Not-Enough-of-Melbourne

I am back.

Pulang. Balik. Hui Jia. Whateva.

And I am suffering from withdrawal symptons.

Sigh.

I miss Melbourne already.

I went with my mum to visit my brother, and 'coincidentally', my friends were going the same time too!

ahh...it was a blast. I might even have the mood to update the blog with tales of my travels...

In the meantime, let me show you a picture of how beautiful Melbourne can be...



















what can I say? I love sunsets. =)

this will add on to my collection of sunsets around the world...

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New header, new beginning?

I am loving my new header..
Sunset at Santorini

nice?

You can see the credits to my brother, Alex at the bottom right corner. Yea, he took this picture when we were in Santorini, Greece last summer. The sunset was, needless to say, beautiful. I have tonnes of pics but am too lazy to post it up. =p That picture above is unedited as well. Original.

You'd wonder that since I bother to change my header, it also means I would blog more often...hmmm, I dont think so. Seem to have lost my mojo to blog for the last 2 years. Ah well, I will still update occasionally, cause it's fun reading it back again, say..10 years later. *smiles*

Anyway, I love sunsets. More than sunrise actually, maybe it's cause I am not really an early bird and sunrise seems quite impossible to catch. But the couple of times that I did, I think it was beautiful too.

But sunsets..wow...it's just beyond words. Especially somewhere near the ocean, watching it from a cliff, just like the one in Oia, Santorini. One of my dreams is to witness as many sunsets as possible from all over the world. Then I ll capture it in photographs and do a scrapbook or develop and frame it up on my future dream home's wall. Not very original I know, but nevertheless, it would be such a thrill if I could walk past my collection of sunsets from round the world every single day. =)

Speaking of which, I have so many pictures to sort out. My Greece + UK + Dubai pictures from last July are still sitting in the computer nicely, not developed and my mum has been nagging me like crazy. Eeesshh. She doesnt believe in digital photographs, saying that we will just forget about it someday. She would rather see it in hard copies in albums and the task is left to me, since no one else in the family really could be bothered with this.

Then I have my own set of pictures. The ones that I would really want to develop are the ones from my UK days, and all my holidays thus far. Clubbing and partying pictures can sit nicely in the computer, otherwise I would just go broke developing all of it.

There..I have decided to post one more picture of the sunset. One of my favourites. This time, credits to me! Took me a while trying to figure out the settings on my camera to capture this. It's either too dark or too bright. I guess it's a good thing you have brothers who know, cause I was bugging them like hell to teach me how to adjust the ISO n all that..lol..thanks bros!
















unedited original picture

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